Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Best Quotes of 2015

It's that time once again!  Time to take a look back on the year that has been by focusing on some of the awesome, weird, and downright stupid comments that I've overheard in 2015.

It's been a fun but trying 2015.  During this past year I've
  • Lost my last remaining grandparent
  • Started putting out weekly content on my blog
  • Was able to do a crossover review with my friend Looney
  • Had back surgery to correct a spinal protrusion
  • DJ'd a wedding for an awesome couple
  • Was able to finally meet my friend Daman in-person
I could go on about this year but that's not why you showed up today.  You showed up to laugh and be confused by people's comments.  As always I will keep these quotes anonymous so that I don't overly embarrass anyone who uttered them.   With that said, I present to you...

The Best Quotes of 2015

"So they have a grand baby boy....grand boy....grand.... what is it again?"

"Tabbed canvases are the spawns of Satan's a**."

"Everyone is all dressed up and I look like the guy buying kids beer behind the gas station."

"That's the only logical explanation for evolution: bananas."

"I'm so bored I'm thinking of a parody to 'It's Raining It's Pouring' to fit NASCAR to tell people how bored I am and post it on Facebook."

"I was tempted to put #Literacy #NotForEveryone but then didn't want to offend the illiterate but then... I guess they couldn't read that I offended them so..."

"I'm celebrating Earth Day by getting on a 757 and flying halfway across the country."

"I'm dying over here, the dongs are huge!"

"I always knew the difference between a hearty and a cowboy was five ounces."

"This house is a f***ing jubilee of clothes pins."

"Curiosity killed the cat and my head is in the bear trap.  I wanna see!"

"I cut my toenails today and I was like what in the heck is going on down there?!"

"I can already feel my arteries clogging up. I'm really excited."

"Friendship is a good knee touching"

"Did Nicos leave you?  Do you want me to break his kneecaps?"

"Did you know that if you divide me by Brandon you get Jake?  It's called people math!"

"Didn't you know? The world runs on black now."

"It's his fake birthday party but it's for the other reason."

"My palms are sweating like baboon's a**es"

"Just tried to start my car with mayonnaise."

"They made me drop my pickle.  B**tards!"

"Watch your mouth! We're in the Bible Belt...that lumberjack was f***ing hot though."

"Gin is the one I can't handle. It's like drinking a pine tree"

"I like when he said 'If I liked the taste of butt, I'd try butt'...or did he say Bud?"

"I wanted to be a fire truck growing up till I was told I couldn't grow a ladder."

"OH!  We've got love at this time of the night!"

"So THAT'S why I extended to 18 inches!"

"I think it's Stuart because he looks like the Grim Reaper"

"Dear Lord, please set this church on fire...  I mean... uh well you all know what I mean!"

"I had planned to sit around and do nothing today then go to Target to pick up typhoid."

"I have a super big vocabulary when I talk to people but not when I write."

"I'm going to grow the world's largest potato then live in it.  This is the story of a giant tuber, la la la something something something Jackie Chan!"

"Such a fruity statement... man talking to mom about theatre."

"It smelled like I was rubbing a candy cane all over me."

"HMG?  That sounds like something 16 year olds text to each other.  'HMG LOL'... little punks"

"That's like my natural odor!"

"If you have the cash and want a good time then go for it."

"I see no reason why your name isn't 'Cabby Walrus.'"

Also here's one fairly magnificent Auto-Correct fail to close us out today
And coolant is more than just ISIS
Violence not coolant
Intelligent conversation ruined once again by my auto cucumber

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That's it for 2015!  I hope you had fun looking back through all of the funny and bizarre statements over the last year.  Here's to another year worth of insanity!

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